caved

Lesson learned: listen to psychologist. He's known me for 2 years and is a specialist in borderline personality disorder. He insisted the whole time that I should just go into detox right away because he knew I was out of control. It's frustrating though because on the outside I often look very much in control so I think I can handle things and my dad does the same mistake with me over and over again. He just wishes so much that I'm ok that he closes his eyes to the signs that maybe I'm spiralling. And of course I caved finally after so much effort trying not to, I went on a 4 day drinking binge and promptly felt depressed and slightly suicidal.