the thrill

As I sat down to write this I started tripping pretty hard. Seeing my point of view distort alot and my imagination became alot more powerful too. Pretty patterns and colours from nowhere. Now I feel light as a feather and my head feels more separate than usual from my body. Everything's still undulating a little and tilting like I'm out at sea. My psychologist was so right yet again. The thrill is like an adrenaline rush from the danger or lack of control, like someone who enjoys bungee-jumping. Geez, how obvious do my self-destructive ways have to be? I guess it's also like amusement park rides. It's fun to be thrown around a little and get a bit scared because there's no control as a rider. I guess a part of me doesn't want to care anymore, I am getting tired. Because you can't ride over and over again, 24/7 without paying a price. I move through this vicious cycle pretty fast darn it.